I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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