so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
