Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
