Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
