I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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