Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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