She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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