go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
