i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
