i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
