It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
