Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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