Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
