are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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