Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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