At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
