I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
