bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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