I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
