You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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