PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
