I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
