I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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