I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My vagina is officially offended.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
