If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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