Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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