Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
