totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MIDGETS
????
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
