I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there was a trapeze. enough said
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
