she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
