just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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