i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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