Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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