I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
