dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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