I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
