he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
