ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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