You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
