I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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