I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
