Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
