You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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