he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
