worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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