I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
