I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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