I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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