You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize