Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
