it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
