): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
