I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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