I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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