I'm so fucking centered right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
