he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
