Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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