bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
