i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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