I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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