I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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