Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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