I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
