You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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