i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
