I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
