The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
