Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
