Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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