She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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