I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
