My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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