I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
