I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
