I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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