Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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