brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
