just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
