the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
