OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
