1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
