Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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