You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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